My body buzzed while I sat in front of the screen, absently zooming in and cutting scenes to blend with the music I had looping. Her voice was as pure and perfect as her soul, with this edge of moody emotionalism that hit me right in the feels. Better than perfect.

The orchard scene, her eyes, my hunger, all of it would be perfect to capture desire, enough that she wouldn’t be stuck with the werewolf after the audience saw their kiss. She’d asked me to make us a more compelling couple. She’d asked me, so I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. I didn’t feel guilty as a rule. But with her, I did, mostly because she was far too sweet and would forgive me no matter what I did. I needed to be better. The kiss at the end, the bite of her neck, it had been according to the plan, but then she kissed me back and…

For a long time I stared off into space, heart beating faster, skin buzzing and chest aching.

The door on the trailer flew open, bringing me back to the moment, the smell of angel sweat and pizza as Lorien came in, large wings matching his fluffy hair, both pink. What in the world had he done to his hair in the last hour? No, likely he’d annoyed an angel and gottren cursed. It smelled like Hope. She didn’t tolerate nonsense.

He handed me the pizza box and flopped into the chair to my right. He leaned forward to watch the video, and I felt a moment’s discomfort, that he’d see my best friend looking so utterly desirable and immediately try to seduce her. She was too trusting and sweet to be around angels like him. Like me.

“Nice hair. It suits you,” I said, flicking a strand.

He preened, running a hand through it. “Doesn’t it? Turns out Hope has Cupid lines. Don’t mention it to her unless you want to become an easter egg sensation. I was only teasing, not that I’d ever actually want to marry her just so that we could have a dozen cherub babies to inflict love on the masses. But think of the chaos!” His eyes glimmered at the thought of angels falling helplessly in love all over the place.

“Indeed, I’m sure Hope has thought of the chaos. You’re lucky she didn’t just decapitate you.”

He rolled his big blue eyes and flopped back. “Most people can’t survive decapitation as well as you. She wouldn’t murder me, just my hair. It was looking so good, too. Didn’t your pretty bride think so?”

I shot him a look then shook my head. “What do you want?”

“You’re hungry. Eat.”

I squinted at him. The only time he made sure I ate before he talked to me, was when he had something to say that would make me fly off the handle. He thought that food made me more stable. Maybe he was right. I hadn’t eaten much the last few days, come to think of it. I was only really happy eating when I was sitting next to my princess, feeding her. Was she drinking enough blood? How could I press her into drinking me? She liked my blood, and I had so much of it. She didn’t like many any other kinds of blood. Too bad, because she needed blood, and I couldn’t imagine anyone not being happy making her happy. What was a pint or two between friends?

I ate the pizza. It was hot, fresh, and high-quality. I was hungry I realized after I’d finished off the entire thing. I sat back, crossed my arms, and waited.

He’d watched the video a few times while I’d eaten and turned to smile at me. “Watch the video.”

“I’ve watched it a million times. I should stop messing with it. I’m just going to over-correct at this point.”

“Watch it like you’re seeing it for the first time.” He waved a hand and pink sparkles came to life and then popped like bubbles. He pouted. “She even messed with the color of my special effects? That’s just mean.”

I sighed and turned to the screen. I started from the beginning and pressed play. But this time, for some reason, I saw me as an angel looking for his downfall, walking through the garden of Eden, and there was temptation. Katriana looked like desire made flesh, eyes compelling, voice haunting, everything about her unbearably sweet and delicious.

And the way I responded to her, I was smitten, devoured, utterly destroyed. I was the fallen angel, seduced by the sun-born vampire who could walk in the light and used that to lure me to the darkness.

It wasn’t true, not when she turned to smoke in my hands when things got blurry and confusing. But it was true because if she hadn’t turned to smoke, I would have kissed her and touched her for the rest of my life. She’d displaced the HOST’s as my purpose, my center, my everything.

Lorien watched me with a hint of empathy in his eyes. He’d fallen but had come back. He understood better than I did what I was going through.

“Your subconscious created this to get through your thick skull,” he said, tapping the screen where she was lying on my bed waiting to be taken. “You’re in love with her. You’ve been in love with her for years. Are you still in denial?”

I blinked at the screen and then turned to him. “I can’t be in love with her. We’re friends.” But would I really have life-bound someone to me who was only a friend? That seemed extremely careless even for me. Of all my friends who I’d happily die for, would I bind them like that? Absolutely not.

Panic started fluttering in my chest, and breathing got tricky. The pizza was a rock in the pit of my stomach.

“Only friends? And that’s why the Commander married you?”

I grabbed his shoulder, squeezing until he winced and I realized what I was doing. “I didn’t marry her.”

“You were married. Why do you think everyone congratulated you like that? Seriously, you’re so absorbed by her, you didn’t even think about it. Of course the Commander had to marry you after you unlawfully life-bound her to you. Otherwise he’d have to execute you. Is he going to execute his only son? Of course not. It was the logical solution, particularly the way you’ve fallen for her and are five seconds from breaking every law of purity and chastity. Also, he likes her. And your blood is compatible. You’re not having children with anyone else, and he wants you to have children. You’ll be the best father, and you deserve to have at least a few demon children who teach you empathy for your poor dad.” He grinned at me. “You really didn’t know. Sometimes you’re too stupid to live. Give you a war situation and you have fifty ways to win, but faced with love, desire, you don’t even realize it until your own subconscious smacks you in the face. You should have realized after you life-bound her.”

I collapsed back into the chair and played the video a few more times. Yes. I wanted her. Ever since that first time she’d been so angry she kissed me to punish me for putting my life at risk, binding to her, I should have realized.

Watching the sunset with her…even Vesper realized that she was my true love, not just best friends forever. What was wrong with my brain? How could I not have seen it sooner? I loved her. Was in love with her. Would always love her and only her with my entire heart for the rest of eternity.

But she didn’t want me like that. She was always trying to vote me off, and set me up with other angels. She didn’t think of me like that, like I hadn’t realized I thought of her. But maybe if she realized that I loved her, she might…

Agony twisted in my chest at the thought of her not wanting me back. But I’d done so many horrible things to her. I didn’t deserve her. I’d never deserve her. But I couldn’t lie to her, not when the Commander married us. I couldn’t keep that a secret. What actions could he take against her if she didn’t want me? Nothing. I’d take him and the entire hosts of heaven down with me if he threatened to harm her after what he did to her. What I did.

I ran a hand through my hair and realized I’d pulled out more than a few strands.

Lorien patted my shoulder. “He won’t hold her to the angelic standard. She’s half vampire, after all. Look, it seems like it’s her turn to decide what to do with her life now that you’ve gone and made everything a mess. You need to let her choose to love you. As in, tell her that you love her, so that she can make an educated decision.” He grinned at me. “She might surprise you.”

Something about the glimmer in his eyes gave me a spark of hope. He knew desire and love better than most angels, certainly better than I ever would. Other than that I knew I was hers, and I always would be. Maybe he saw a spark in her. Was there any way I could win her heart?

I’d happily die for her love, but that wasn’t good enough. I had to be someone worthy of her love, and I feared that was utterly impossible. Still, I believed in miracles. Her existence was a miracle. And whether she loved me back or not, I’d love her forever.